I'm tired

I'm tired of everything;
nothing seems to care to me anymore,
I just wanna lie down, close my eyes and sleep.
I can't cry, I have to be strong for you, and this is hurting so much, I fell helpless, worthless.
The silence is something we don't know anymore.
The word home, we seem to never known, everything we'd seen this far were a lie.
And when everything seems lost, and I wanna give up of everything, I see your face, now that is sad and the tears are coming down.

I'd never let you. For nothing and no one in this world.

From a distance the world looks blue and green,
and the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
and the eagle takes to flight.

From a distance, there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
It's the voice of hope, it's the voice of peace,
it's the voice of every man.

From a distance we all have enough,
and no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease,
no hungry mouths to feed.

From a distance we are instruments
marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
They're the songs of every man.
God is watching us. God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance.

From a distance you look like my friend,
even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
what all this fighting is for.

From a distance there is harmony,
and it echoes through the land.
And it's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves,
it's the heart of every man.

It's the hope of hopes, it's the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance.

Chapter Eleven – What came after part 1

The fear that my mom had in her eyes through the last day were gone. Now she was a new woman. Had the power to start all over again.

When I walked in the kitchen with Josh, we were surprised to see the things she’d cooked. She made pancakes, bread, chocolate cake, and strawberry juice. My favorite.

When she saw us, her face illuminated. She opened her arms and gave us a worm hug.

“Good morning my angels!” She said and looked to our face. Then she continued. “I hope you had a nice night. I did! And is so good to have you two here!”

“Thanks Ab.” Josh said with his crooked smile. “I had a wonderful night indeed. The sound of the trees is wonderful to relax.”

“Oh! You’ll love here in the fall then! Is so cozy, promise you’ll come!” She said and then looked at me. “Dan. I want you two here in the fall.”

“Of course mom!” I said giving her a kiss.

I was happy. She was happy. She was the woman I used to know. And I couldn’t be more happier. I had Josh there with me too.

We had a long breakfast and talked all the time. Sadly Josh had to leave that morning as he’d to talk to his father. As he left some stuffs in the lighthouse I went there with him to grab them before he came back to the city.

“What you think your mom will do now?” Josh asked me.

“I don’t know. But she’s really happy. And this make me happy. And you don’t know how glad I am to have you here with me…”

“Me too. What time you’ll leave tomorrow?”

“In the morning. Why?

“Nothing…”

“All right…Too bad you won’t be here to met Sookie! She’s so nice!”

“I would love too, but I had to talk to my dad. And he’s really a jerk.”

“You have to tell me what you talk with your dad.” I said joking.

“It’s really boring love, but one day you’ll know.”

He kissed me and then hit the road back Stable City.

I looked his SUV cross the road, and I smiled. I’ve found the happiness.

The cold wind was there, taking my smile till him.

Was going to rain.

Later that day, the rain continued and the cold came as a bonus.

My mom replaced her house and already paint her bedroom walls. She was really happy. I had my dinner with Sookie, and had a wonderful night with her and her husband and son.

I came back to my house and told my mom that Sookie’d come to her house tomorrow to help her clean the rest of the house. At least I’d come back home knowing that my mom had a friend with her.

As was my last night there, my mom and I made a movie session with Titanic, one of the first movie we’d seen so late.

We ate MM’s and popcorn, with coke.

In the morning I had my breakfast and came home.

I promised her to visit her soon.

I was crazy to see Josh again. Fell his soft lips touching my. Stay in the bed with him, just talking.

But first I had an entire day with Kiki and Richard.

I thought that the first thing that Kiki’d do was scream and say “Where the hell have you been?” But she just said a nice and lifeless “Hi Dan.”

I answered with a big smile and said “Hey Kiki!” And she just gave a forced smile to me.

Later I’d have to cheer her up.

Richard decided to make a big sale in the store, and that took me all day to change the prices and print the new sale offers.

During the day I only saw Kiki once, and she was talking with Patricia. Josh called me in my launch time and told me that he had had a nice day with his dad, and said to meet him in the City of Fruits.

Twenty minutes before the store close, I went to Kiki’s desk. She was in the phone, and looked surprised to see me there.

“Hey.” I said to her.

“Hey.” She said after she hang the phone.

“So, I haven’t seen you today, how’s your weekend?” I asked sitting in the desk.

“Sorry. I wasn’t in the mood,” She took a little break and then continued “You know. We sometimes have really terrible days, and mine end up being this last weekend.” She said crying.

God, she looked really terrible. Something really horrible must have happened.

“What happened Kiki?”

“Remember that guy I told you about? That I met?”

“Yeah.”

“So, he… he’d stolen my things.”

“What?”

“Yeah, he just hit my head last night, and then when I woke up my TV was gone, and my purse, and my shoes.” She said crying.

“Have you called the police?”

“Yeah, and he’s been doing this for two years, and they never catch him.”

“I can’t believe, are you ok? I mean, if he hit your head, you must go to the hospital.”

“Don’t worry Dan, I’m ok. And what can I do? I have to continue living my life as normal as possible. I mean, he just stole idiot things, I can by a new TV, and shoes, and my purse, well, what can I say. I called the bank and blocked my cards.”

I must say that she looked really confident. But I didn’t get why she avoid me the all day.

I gave her a hug and said “If you need anything just ask me.”

“Thanks.” She said.

“Poor Kiki.” Josh said.

“Yeah. I’m felling terrible. I like Kiki, but this last days, I haven’t been nice to her, I was just thinking of me.”

“You can’t blame yourself. You didn’t said : Here Kiki, date this guy. She hang up with him by herself.”

“I know. But I feel sad.”

“Hey! I don’t want you like this, and plus, you’ll scare the costumers.” He said laughing.

“Funny, but tell me more about your dad, what you guys did?”

“Well, I came home and talked to him, about his behavior, not accepting me. And told about the cheating on mom, and her on him. And he was really nice, said that he always loved me and he was angry with other things and he put everything on me. And about my mom, he’d said that they’re trying to be together, but he is not easy. And guess what?”

“What?”

“I told about you to him.”

“You did?”

“Yes! And he said that he wants to know you!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! He told me to ask you to have diner with us tomorrow. You’ll go, won’t you?”

“Of course!”

“I still can’t believe that I was talking to my dad.” Josh said to me.

“I’m glad, everything is in the right place now.”

“Yeah, and talking about place, we could rent a film, what you think?”

“Hum, It’s sounds perfect, can I choose the film?”

“Of course Dan!”

“So, I’ve to go to an store and I’ll be right back, ok?”

“Ok.”

I left the dinner and hit the Happy place for Lonely Girls, this old store opened to make girls happy after something that made them sad. I really didn’t believe in the story but Kiki was really sad, and I thought that wouldn’t hurt.

To enter in the store there’s this guy, a hot one, in the front, like a host, and he says: “Hello, welcome to Happy Place for Lonely Girls, here our sorrow, it’s your best friend and the shopping the bonus, have a pleasure time! “

I got inside the store thinking of the guy, he must hate his job.

After ten minutes I found the perfect gift for Kiki, a huge Eeyore.

I stop by the video shop in the mall, picked Under the tuscan sun and headed back to City of fruits.

I stood there with Josh till he closed the place and then we went to my house.

I woke up with Josh kissing my ears, and mumbling “Good Morning my love”

I think I’d never get tired of wake up with him in my bed, in the morning he looks more hot then he does, his eyes get so blue in the morning that is impossible not smile, and his crooked smile, God that make me want kiss him forever. His hair was like I liked, ruffled.

“Good morning my angel” I said giving him a kiss.

“Good morning my love, I thought you’d sleep all day” He said getting up.

He wore his pants and his shirt, went to the kitchen and then came back with orange juice and donuts.

“So, what time you want to me pick you up?” He asked.

“Hum.. I don’t know, after eight.” I said eating the donut. “I’ll take Kiki to that place for a milk-shake, I’ll not get late, just to give her the Eeyore.”

“Ok, Don’t worry. I’ll wait for you in the lobby. And I’m really jealousy that you’re giving her a present and nothing to me.” He said with his beautiful crooked smile.

“Poor kid, don’t worry, you’ll have a surprise soon.” I said and kissed this forehead. “And you’ll not be waiting in the lobby. It’s time for you have the apartment keys.”

“Really? I mean, this is a huge step. And you know most of people don’t like this, and…”

“Shut! You’re the one, you’re the person I’ll die with. And after all it’s only keys.”

“I love you know?”

“Hum.. I don’t know.. I think, but you could make something to show your love to me.” I said smiling.

“Let me see, I think I know something.” He said with his crooked smile, and then hugged me.

©Leonardo Martins

Something's missing deep down inside

Something's missing deep down inside, and I don't know what it is.
But it's making me so blue, and also you my angel.
Our smile that once were full of life now it's only a fake one.
Our shine that once were like the sun, now it's fading daily.
God, what is wrong with us, what is wrong with us...
Only the sound of the old songs are in the air while we look up the stars.


©Leonardo Martins

Glee

After Mamma Mia! I thought would be difficult find something that would make me fell more happy and sing-a-long. And yesterday I had this wonderful surprise after I watched the pilot of Glee.
This new series from FOX, it's full of joy, life and has something that this last few years almost no one seems to believe, in the happines.
The show only begins 16/07 but you meanwhile you can watch the pilot and listen to the songs.

Check out this great song





If you want to download this song click here.

Chapter Ten – The Goodbye Night

My rest of the morning was fulfill with my mom and the beach.

We walked in the places we used to make our meals or sit to watch the waves crash and read books. And then we stop by in the famous restaurant Sea Hills beach house.

There my mom told me all about her relationship with Carl. That she was tired of him, but he was really aggressive, and had hurt her so much in this past months.

I told her that I was going to talk to him and help her, and she started crying and said to me to don’t do this. She was scary of what he’d do.

“He is a strange man, son. He can lose his mind so quick.”

When I heard those words I could barely stand sit. That man was a monster. My mom wasn’t a bad person and didn’t had to be with him, for God sake she wasn’t even married with him.

I told her that tonight I’d have a talk with Carl. And she didn’t had to worry about nothing as Josh would be there too.

Josh found our home quicker then I thought, and he came really earlier. I introduce him to my mom and they started talking about me, really weird, though was nice see that she was laughing with Josh.

When Carl got home, was already almost 19:30. The food was placed in the table and the smell of home was in the air. He looked really surprised to see another man in the house, but didn’t asked a thing.

“So, Carl, this is Josh, Dan’s boyfriend.” She said to Carl.

His eyes pop-out so fast that looked like in those cartoons. Absolutely he just find out about me.

“Boyfriend?” He asked to my mom.

“Yeah. You didn’t understand?”

“No. I just heard perfectly.” He said eating his fat pork ribs.

The dinner was quiet after that. Just the sound of forks in the plate in the air.

After everybody finished, I walked into the kitchen to grab the pudim. Soon I was surprised with Carl.

“Look boy, I don’t want to say this one more time, just grab your dirt things and get out of my house, and take with you your dirt friend. I don’t want people like you here.” He said so faster and so angry that was difficult to understand. But I got the message. I wasn’t welcome in my mom’s house.

I just turned my head down, and started talking.

“Look, old man. – I said pausing. – For your information, this is my mom’s house. Not yours. And I won’t go away, like you said.

You’ve been treating my mom like shit and I known that. She was afraid what you’d do with her, if she left you. You can believe how scared she is? And now you want me to go away? So you can hurt her again? I won’t let you do this. Is better you go to your old place, and left us her.” I finished, with tears in my eyes.

He turned his head and left the kitchen. When I got in the dinner table, Josh was hugging my mom. She was crying. Looks like they’ve heard my talk with Carl.

And then I saw Carl packing his clothes.

The silence was quiet then ever, you could only hear the sound of Carl’s movement in the bedroom.

After ten minutes he yelled “Goodbye Ab, I hope you find your happiness”

Neither my mom nor I saw him again.

The rest of the night was weird. We just sat in the sofa and looked each other’s face. The sadness was gone. And the wonder of the new was there now.

©Leonardo Martins

Dream

I dream every day with a place that I know that I lived in.
I just don't know where it is, or how to get there.
Trought the songs playin' on my radio, I just think, and rethink... I spend hours like this.
The present isn't as I wanted to be, and then I think again and again. I'm almost there and then that fellin' it's gone.
Sometimes I fell sad, sometimes happy. Sometimes I just don't know why I fell the way I fell, but deep in side I know, I've always known, I need to make this little move to get close to what I fell. I need to get out of this thing that I call life. I need to be brave, and then I came back to the begining fellin' blue. I take a deep breath and smile, just a smile to make me fell good. And then I wait, and wait for the new day to come, till I got the corage to make THE move.

I left this song here so you guys can have a great day.

Bread - Make it with you

Hey have you ever tried,
Really reaching out for the other side?
I may be climbing on rainbows
But, baby here goes.

Dreams they're for those who sleep,
Life is for us to keep,
And if you're wond'ring
What this song is leading to

I want to make it with you
I really think that we can make it girl.

No, you don't know me well,
In ev'ry little thing only time will tell,
If you believe the things that I do.
And we'll see it through.

Life can be short or long,
Love can be right or wrong,
And if I choose the one
I'd like to help me through,
I'd like to make it with you
I really think that we can make it girl.

Baby you know that
Dreams they're for those who sleep,
Life is for us to keep
And if I choose the one
I'd like to help me through,
I'd like to make it with you
I really think that we can make it girl.

Harry Potter and the half-blood prince

Yesterday I went to the premier of Harry Potter and the half-blood prince, the sixth film of the series.
When I got into the cinema, I felt really really happy, as I talked to old friends that I met in the others films, met new ones that are really nice and that will be in touch forever, and saw beautiful people too, really beautiful. :D
I wore my t-shirt of Harry Potter and my blouse too. There were almost one hundred people, everyone crazy to see the newest film.
And of course, that after it started, everyone screamed.
The film, is the best one so far, everyone is more mature now, and the plot is really great, even with lots of things left behind, the film still good as if those things that only who read the book knows, don't really matter in this adaptation.
The end of the film is really great, like the book, you see the true friendship of Harry, Hermione and Rony.
I can' wait to see the last 2 films and have this precious time with this wonderful people.
After all, no other film can gather so many people, happy people, to stay wake all the night to play, do cosplay, and enjoy the life.

My Angel

She's the one that makes me laugh

the one that can put a light on my darkest day
the one that I run wildly to
the one I try to always take care
the one that made me who I am right now
the one that brought me to this world
the one I'm thankful for everything
You're my angel mom, and as you protected me in the darkest time, I will protect you.

Prime

Sometimes in the afternoon I get a little nostalgic, and the films are the ones that cause this felling. Today Prime was the one. This romantic comedy, sometimes more romantic and others more comedy, it's a really nice film, that can make of your boring afternoon a lovely one.
The story is about Rafi a 37 years old divorced woman, that meet this guy, Dan. They meet each other accidently and after that they start to hang out, after she finds out that Dan is 23 years old, she kind don't take the thing more serious, but she decide to give it a change. The only thing oddly into this relationship is that her therapist is the mom of Dan.
A really sweet film that shows that the happines don't have age.
And the end of the film it's really interesting. If you want to see a nice romance, don't hesitate.

The moron society

We are surrounded for thousand of people and everyday we heard thousand of news of massive murders and that the world it's goin' to end, etc.
Recently this thing happened with me, a close person in my family answered the phone and suddenly I heard screams coming from the living room, I came there to know what was going on and for my surprise he was discussing with the guy that accidently pressed the wrong number and dialled my home. After he hang up this friend, crazy as hell, picked the phone of the ID, and said that he'll go to the police station and pass the number as it could be someone from the jail. "Haven't you seen what says in the news? Lots of people are murder with wrong calls!"
I got so mad with him of what he was coming up with, for god sake, I said to him "Haven't you never dialled a wrong number and accidently called to another number?, So I guess this make you a
murder, am I right?"
The only thing that he said was this :"I'm not that kind of person."

After that I start to think, the population it's goin' mad, but themselves created this situation, and the most incredible thing is the power they've given to themselves to think they as the saint, the pure one, that never made anything wrong.
I never thought that my friend'd make this kind of scene because someone dialled the wrong phone.
And I finish this post with John Lennon's song, Imagine.

Imagine there's no heave
It's easy if you try

No hell below us
Above us only sky

Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
You may say,
I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day
You'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say,
I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope some day
You'll join us
And the world will be as one

Welcome the NEW

I took a different point of view at my life after some weeks, I became a different person. My soul it's more strong, and the way I looked at my life changed. I ain't that old me anymore. That person is gone and now I had this new phase of my life and I'm with open arms to it.



I left this song by Tina Turner - Open Arms that it's really great.




Ask me no questions
I'll tell you no lies
Come to me when you're down
I'll give you friendly advice
I'll be your avenue, your trusting ear
Release your deepest secrets
I'll be sincere

It's an age old situation
There's nothing to fear
Whatever life throws at you
Your friend is here
Right by your side

When love leaves you cold
Lies have been told
I will be there with my open arms
Hurting inside
Please don't hide the pain
I will be there with my open arms

Open arms, open arms, open arms

I know what you're saying
I been there myself
Promises withstand
They left me for someone else
Then the tables turn
A lesson I had to learn
I can't point my fingers cuz
Girls, my fingers have been burned

It's an age old situation
The message is clear
Whatever life throws at you
Your friend is here
Right by your side

When love leaves you cold
Lies have been told
I will be there with my open arms
Hurting inside
Please don't hide the pain
I will be there with my open arms

It's an age old situation
The message is clear
Whatever life throws at you
Your friend is here
Right by your side

When love leaves you cold
Lies have been told
I will be there with my open arms
Hurting inside
Please don't hide the pain
I will be there with my open arms

When love leaves you cold
Lies have been told
I will be there with my open arms
Hurting inside
Please don't hide the pain
I will be there with my open arms